All facts pointed towards impending doom, but they married anyway. Some people chided back to me, "That's impossible! No marriage is perfect. I don't believe you never fight. There must be something wrong with YOU!"
While I wasn't lying, they weren't either; because what I later learned is, no long term relationship runs a perfectly smooth course. If it hasn't happened yet, it will eventually. Sometimes it's early on. Sometimes it's later. Sometimes only one side sees it at a time. Sometimes we pretend we are blind and that everything is a-ok. People are very good at putting up façades. Sometimes we build them without even knowing it.
As irony always wins, my husband and I were not exempt from trouble. After spending 13 years together, we seem to have run the gamut of standard relationship issues these past 5 years; financial woes, difficulties in the workplace, the enormous changes that children bring, (god forbid!) counseling, plus the basic evolution of ourselves. Today everything is fine, but who knows what tomorrow will bring.
It's funny how things change with time -- friends and lovers, understanding and confusion, smooth sailing and rough weather. Everything changes and yet everything stays the same. I think back on those comments a lot... more than I care to admit. I quit reading her blog, but sometimes I see her name pop up and wonder how things are going. I could go and look, but I already have a fair idea.
So here we are, all in this life together and yet our moments do not always coincide with each others. One day we will swap shoes and hopefully we will hand each other the key to understanding. Understanding that we are never alone and that everyone will be in similar boats eventually.
Right?
They must, for cliches don't happen without reason.
10 comments:
I wouldn't trade my troubles for anyones. My hubby is my best friend and I adore him - but there have been times when I could ring his adorable neck. But at the end of the day I couldn't imagine waking up without him.
My girlfriend and I (and her husband) were talking about this last night. I said "ebbs and flows" of marriage and he chimed in with "more like calm vs. tsunamis". We all got a good chuckle out of that.
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So true. Everyone's got their own story. I hate it when people are smug. My husband and I have been together for about 17 years (almost 15 married) and have run the gamut of emotions over the course of our relationship. Sometimes I think we're just pretty lucky. Mutual respect and love definitely help, but so does luck. ;)
beautifully written & so very true. we've gone through all that you mention... fairly early, but it didn't end quickly- or easily. we joke that some say the first year is the hardest... uh... how about the first 5? 10? (okay maybe not *10, but 10 for us seemed to be the mark in which we sort of "figured it out") Not to say that we do not fight- or have our ups & downs, because we do(!), but we definitely have a deep appreciation for the "good" since we've experienced the "bad"... & that we are in no way immune to the bad!
What I love most about this post (& about life) is the last paragraph. :)
Wow great Job... I like it.. Nice Blog......
Absolutely, we all have our ups and downs!
My husband and I used to fight frequently. Things have changed. We were that couple that people thought shouldn't get married.
I will say, that we have rarely argued without eventually solving a problem and we both thankfully seem to learn from past mistakes.
These days we are having tons of fun together. We argue very little and when we do, we're so good at it now, that it's usually fast, painless and pretty calm.
I'm knocking on wood, before I hit the send button.
Right.
I judged myself and my relationship with Mr. Darcy when we were just starting out and decided to go to counseling. But now I can see that it was the best decision for us. We're so much better a year after doing that together. We fight more constructively and less often. We love and understand each other deeper. Every person and every relationship has its own path. So true.
I'm always trying to lose my judgments and be better at letting people go thru their journey. I struggle with it, with not giving too much advice. I hope I will get better at it!
oh my. the couple that lived down stairs from josh and i our first year of marriage are really good friends and they told us they used to wonder if we were going to make it. once we figured out how to communicate it was mostly smooth from there.
i'm so grateful for the rough times. i have learned so much about myself and how i want to live and be treated from those experiences. most of the time i look at josh and love him so much i could crush his head. i love evolving in this space with such a great witness.
i also agree with kate about the luck part. we got married really young and have grown and changed so much. we are really lucky that we did it in complementary ways.
relationships are hard. period. when you couple someone you are sleeping with. double hard. period.
i'm a minute by minute person in a relationship. waiting for the other shoe to drop or hit the wall. either one really.
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