For years on end, I readily shared every story about myself and my past with anyone willing to listen; the good, the bad, the wild, the embarrassingly awful things that no one should talk about again. I told it all.
I used to think that all my quirks and foibles made me more interesting -- but now I am pretty sure they only made me look crazy. Some things are better left unsaid, because really, who cares if I made out with girls, went to jail, or killed a man? Life in our 30's can be just as exciting as our 20's, right?
Uhh... let me tell you about the wild trip I just took to San Diego! Or, why don't we chat about my failed relationships. Yeahhhh. Fun stuff.
I've found that the only person that needs to come to terms with my past is me. I'd like to think I can stand alone without any of those stories giving me credence or entertainment value. My only goal now is to not relive my history but to transcend it.
My struggle with being open and maintaining privacy here is something I will always have trouble with. I find it incredibly challenging to teeter in the middle of sharing, but not over-sharing. It is in my nature to talk and tell it like I see it, but life has a funny way of shutting us up and turning us off. Mostly I fight that feeling, but sometimes I wonder if it is just my ego doing the talking or am I simply learning to internalize as I grow older? Honestly, I'm not sure which is better.
Do you feel like you are really being honest on your blogs and/or with your friends OR are you hiding behind your recipes, photos, idle chatter about fashion, design and all the other fluff that surrounds us on a daily basis?
9 comments:
good question. it's 100% true that I don't "tell all" on my blog. I never intended to. There are (personal) things I decide I want to write about, and I do. But, I also have come to have respect (boundaries?) for what's truly personal. Though this medium has brought such wonderful new (and old) friends into my life, I simply can't get past the fact that there are lurkers and others out there for whom my foibles are nothing more than entertainment. Also, there are ego-y reasons I'd be doing it. Attention-getting. You know what I mean? Dooce I'm not.
So, to answer... I think it's a choice. You get to choose whether it's all or nothing, or more of a curation. I think both are valid. I sounded like you might have been yearning to share it all again, and if you want to, we'll read it! And comment :)
I would agree with blake – it just comes down to a choice and what you're comfortable with. i've always thought of my blog for me and not for others – so if you feel comfortable sharing and it's an outlook for you go for it - and there will always be people on the other side who will have something to say about it, just be prepared for it
I feel like I'm honest, but not fully open on my blog. Especially in my writings 3 or 4 years ago... I don't think anyone would have known just how much I was hurting inside. And I still don't like to share too much negativity (all though, whenever I post about the worst things, those always get the most comments... is it like a car wreck or something?) There are boundary lines that need to be drawn, and mine are drawn in pencil so I can erase them and expand or tighten that circle as needed.
Thanks you guys! In retrospect, I was probably just over thinking things.
Blake- I love the idea of curation. That is so right on and a great way of looking at it! I've never wrapped my mind around curating feelings/beliefs.
Jennifer- I've already experienced negative reaction to things I've said in the past here. Not very fun, but I learned a lot about people/bloggers.
Jill- You are fabulous at mixing the two. The line about boundaries being written in pencil -- just brilliant!
i think it's up to you. i don't share everything on my blog, but i've been thinking about going a little deeper. the people that have been really transparent on their personal blogs have helped me think in a new way or not feel so alone in my neurosis. i don't have a huge following, so i don't know if it matters as much.
if it helps you to work through or transcend your ego then why not share, you might help someone else in the process. if you are just fearful of what the lurkers might say, well I say, f*ck'em. plus i don't think fear has gotten us anywhere.
i've been wrestling with my authentic self for awhile now, but i always feel a little better when i let my freak flag fly ( i should clarify a little, when i say fly i don't mean in the face of anyone that feels different, i just mean in the open ). in the end it's about acceptance of ourselves and the people around us. isn't it?
What I really want to share at times involves other people (irl people)... via topics/frustrations of friendship, parenting, family, pta... I only touch the surface and definitely do not share the whole truth- so as not to hurt the feelings of those closest to me. It's definitely more cryptic and a little more shallow, but just not worth crossing the line. But I really try to push myself- to keep it real, to go deep once in a while (or deeper I should say), to add commentary, when it'd be easier to just put a picture... to write from the heart. I appreciate your honesty, and love discussing this topic, since it is rarely addressed, and I know- something that we (bloggers) all deal with. And since I don't any (well, one) 'real life' blogger friends, I don't have anyone to talk to about this stuff (other than my poor husband)!
given my situation, i used to be pretty under the radar, now not-so-much.
when i go to my kids school, people repeat what i have written. i've lost the feeling i had when i started.
I think I hide behind the inane far too often. The only time I've really felt I could be open on my public blog (I keep a private site for a few friends) was when I recently posted about my battles with depression. It took A LOT for me to write it, because I know there are lurkers on my site who want to see me stumble. But it ("it" being de-stigmatizing mental illness) was one thing I felt I couldn't gloss over.
The blogs I find the most appealing are the ones where the authors expose their flaws and sometimes over share. There are a zillion "tra la la" fluff blogs, but I personally don't give a damn about reading those - I want some grit, some relatability, something to make me think.
(PS: Hi! Delurking after I found you through Gorillabuns.)
@Desi: I definitely prefer people to be more authentic. Let's wave our flags together. :)
@Torrie: You seem to have a pretty good mix, too.
@Gbuns: You know that you are the Queen of telling it like it is and I love you for that. Granted, it is disturbing when random school people talk about what you write.
@Guacaholic: There really are enough fluff blogs. Thanks for stopping by!
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