Swept Away

I hate it when things get all quiet around here. Posts brew in my head but never make it through my interminable filtration process.

Fall back again.

... I've been thinking about change lately.

Oh, life it seems a struggle between what we see and what we do.

For as long as I can remember, I've worked really well under pressure. It has gotten to the point where I've relied on it, even gotten off on it. Run fast, faster. Some of my greatest accomplishments have been in the eleventh hour. In fact, just last week I planned and hosted what might have been our most successful birthday party yet and I did it in one. whole. week. Crazy!

But this quirky asset also seems to be my biggest liability.

For the last 5+ years, October - February has become my personal pressure cooker and frankly I can't keep up like this. For goodness sakes! My greys quadrupled this past holiday season and I felt like I might spontaneously combust from all of my frenetic energy. But mostly, I'm just sick of being late and feeling like there is never enough time in the day.

Look around about this round about this merry-go-round and around.

... I suppose it all began back in December shortly after I mailed our Christmas cards -- on December 20th, no less. In my exhaustion, I sat down to read Martha Stewart Living and noticed the calendar that she puts in every month. Not surprisingly, I'd been glossing over it all these years. Every day in January she had a job like: Monday - Polish Silver, Tuesday - Clean the Shed, Wednesday - Wash Dog Collars, etc. In all of Martha's Type-A scariness, I had a revelation that I absolutely must learn how to plan better in the coming year, even if for no other reason than to stave off dyeing my hair every three weeks.

Take a look again. Everyday things change but basically they stay the same..

Amidst the busy-ness of homeschooling, schlepping my children to their activities, working part time as a photographer, traveling nonstop and trying to stay fit + healthy through it all, many things have been slipping through the cracks. Short of hiring a clone, I had to make some changes. What I needed to find was that balance between being last minute and being right on time, being flexible but still being structured, being active but not overwhelmed. I set out on a mission to find that happy medium between Type A and Type B... because as usual and please excuse the obvious, I truly teeter between the 180/360 all the time. (That moniker. It follows me everywhere.)

Forget about the reasons and the treasons we are seeking.

In January, I started to make a detailed schedule of tasks to complete each week. They range from "planning the annual travels" to "starting seeds" and "getting the piano tuned" to "cleaning the pantry" and "organizing the garage." There were other more life-altering goodies like "amp up my sex life" and "design our Christmas cards by Halloween." (I'm guessing I'll be pulling an all-nighter on October 30th, but that will still beat doing the same thing on December 20th!)

And even though the past 6 weeks have been as nutty as ever (see birthday party above*) I'm feeling positive that it will set the stage for a more organized fall and winter. My ultimate goal is to create a master list that will eventually work up to one task a day. As I go along, I will fine tune it by picking and choosing seasonally appropriate activities, some worth repeating multiple times throughout the year (like editing the children's closets/toys on a scheduled basis. Ugh!) And to infuse it with some of my type B personality, I can pick and choose many of the tasks as the mood strikes.

So that's where I've been. Planning and scheming, doing and staying on top of things (my husband included! wink wink) I've still been late to everything, but I'll eventually learn to leave a little earlier. Baby steps, my friends! Overall, I'm feeling really focused, but sadly that usually means I'm absent over here. Adding "blog more regularly" to my list right now...

Fall back again.

Revolutions per minute

Have you ever wanted something for a really, really long time but for whatever silly reason you never got around to buying it? For as long as I can remember, I've wanted a record player.

It certainly wasn't anything I needed or even thought about on a daily basis, but it had been in the back of my mind for quite awhile. Every time I looked at my small (but cherished) collection of records, it made me sad that they'd become nothing more than dust collectors.

You see, I grew up listening to records. My parents owned one of those enormous cabinet consoles. (Do you remember them? They were like a sideboard media-center nightmare, but Damn! they were cool. Ours was probably a Mid-Century gem.) And my mom had a pretty sweet collection of 45's tucked away in her closet that I would try to sneak into. But mostly I listened to their albums.

As a child, I loved putting a record on and dancing or singing my heart away. We also had babysitters that would bring over crates of records for us to listen to. I specifically remember Disney vinyl like Peter and the Wolf, The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, Johnny Appleseed, and many others! What I would give for those today...

By the time I was in high school, I had bought my first records (Pink Floyd, Simon + Garfunkel, Beastie Boys, Run DMC, The Beatles, even the Scorpions- HA!) and I have vivid memories of listening to them in my bedroom late at night. Of course, most of my music was on tape, but there was always something so special about vinyl. I liked the sound that the needle made and the thoughtfulness it required. I loved that crackle at the beginning of the record and the thumpety-thump when all was said and done. I didn't even mind having to get up and flip it over to get to the B side. What a tactile and involved way of listening to music, right?

Well, high school bled into college, where I dated a couple of dj's and always had turntables at an arm's reach. When I broke up with my very last boyfriend, I guess you could say my love affair with vinyl was supposed to end there as well. Or so it seemed until about a week and a half ago when I went ahead and finally bought my very own record player.

In a world full of digital EVERYTHING, it feels a little backwards to be buying bulky, analog nostalgia... But you know what? It is awesome! I've been using that record player nonstop and every time I look at it spinning around, I'm filled with joy.

This proves.... that when you wait to buy something you really want and love in your heart, it will make it all the more special when you finally do get it.

I kind of wish all my purchases felt so grand.

Green Light

Since the beginning of the year, I've been working on a fairly complicated Resolutions + Intentions list for 2012. (More on that later.) Initially it had a clause that said, "Shoot more photography with my camera and less with my iPhone," because after nearly a year of preferring my iPhone over my DSLR, I was starting to get paranoid that maybe I was ruining myself as a photographer.

Even though I love it for many great reasons such as: portability, weight, the challenge, the quality, the instant processing, the stealthiness, sharing on Instagram... I was beginning to feel like less of a professional because I mostly wanted to shoot with my phone. Even though I love it, it sort of seemed lame!

But lo and behold (and in perfect timing I might add) Creative Live had an iPhoneography workshop at the beginning of the year with commercial photographer and fellow iPhoneography lover, Jack Hollingsworth. He allayed my concerns by stating the exact same feelings I was having and he validated that the iPhone will likely go down as one of the most significant advancements in camera history. Hallelujah to that! I am not alone or crazy for thinking that this is the greatest. thing. ever.

Isn't it funny how sometimes you just need someone else to say, "It's alright. I feel the same way as you..." and instantly that doubt melts away and everything is okay. Mobile shooting has taught me so much about myself and the things I'm drawn to as a photographer. I'm proud of the images I've taken with my phone and in an effort to embrace this revolutionary time in photography, I want to start sharing weekly mobile photo favorites here. I hope you don't mind. (PS. For all you IGers, I will try to put up some that you haven't seen as well!)

State Route 157

Blackout!

Minimalist Pantry: The Stock Challenge

Last week, Desi posted on Instagram a beautiful photo of stock simmering on her stove. Shortly after, Kate and I commented that we were both "stock cheaters." While Kate was inspired to start making her own, I continued with my own diatribe that "I felt like it wasn't worth the effort due to the amount of stock I use each week, blah blah blah."

Naturally, as soon as I'd commented, I couldn't get the idea out of my head...

What if Homemade Stock is THAT much better and why I have I not at least tried it before? What kind of Minimalist Pantry-ist am I if I haven't made one of the most basic pantry staples out there?!

Since this should obviously be of utmost importance on my list of things to do (err....,) early this morning I started making my very first Beef Stock. And as soon as that was finished, I started on the Chicken Stock. (Note: I rarely use Vegetable Stock, but might try a batch later to round out my experiment.) Results will be posted when I'm finished, but in the meantime I thought I'd share some of the process with you.

Here's my preliminary Q+A:

1. What is the difference between broth and stock?
This turned out to be just as confusing as I expected. After reading several different posts on the subject, it seems that from a grocery standpoint, they are often labeled either way. But technically speaking: Stock is usually gelatinous (because it is made from more bone than flesh,) richer and is used as an ingredient. Broth tends to be lighter (it is made from more flesh than bone), saltier and can stand alone. Naturally, the recipes I chose to start with (this one and this one) are labeled "stock" but they seem to be a mix of the two considering the meat to bone ratio. ACKKKK! So... basically I have no idea what the difference is and will continue to use the word interchangeably until someone explains it better.

2. Are all stocks created equally?
TBD. (Do you have a favorite stock/broth recipe? If so, please share!) I searched the internet and ultimately just picked two from Gourmet because I was feeling nostalgic. Ruth Reichl couldn't possibly steer me wrong, right?

3. Will using homemade stock/broth make that big of a difference in recipes?
Also TBD. (I'm guessing it would be more noticeable in something like Chicken Noodle Soup where the broth shines -- but honestly, I have no idea! Conversely, would it change already perfectly good recipes (those in which I use pre-made stock) to something worse? Hmmm.... only time will tell.

4. How much would I need to make to have plenty on hand at all times?
The Beef Stock recipe claimed to make a whopping 8 cups, which wouldn't last long at all! Maybe 2 recipes tops?! The Chicken Stock recipe claims 10 cups.  (Still cooling, will report.)

5. How much will it cost vs. purchasing it pre-made?
I normally pay $1.99 for one quart of decent pre-made Chicken and Beef Broth at Whole Foods vs. the $50+/- for today's homemade natural Beef Stock (which included very pricey Veal Shanks, veg, etc.) and $22+/- for this Chicken Stock (including a whole Organic Chicken, veg, etc.). I think it is pretty clear which is cheapest! But will the taste make it worth the $$???

So far, I'm enjoying the experiment and my house smells pretty flippin' fabulous! My husband likened it to a Sunday roast. Unfortunately, it didn't taste like one and I fear that I smell like I've been bathing in meat + veg all day. :) At any rate...

INITIAL RESULTS/REACTIONS: As for the beef stock, I only ended up with 5 2/3 cups. It was easy to make, although it took about 8 hours total and price-wise, it was crazy expensive thanks to the veal! (Maybe we can just use Beef Shank next time?) However, it does look far richer and healthier than my usual WF variety. The chicken stock just finished simmering away on the stove. It was a little easier to prepare because I literally threw everything in the pot and left it for 3 hours. I'm guessing it will likely be the one I'd make again, but I guess we'll have to wait and see until I use them in a couple of dishes for a taste test. Until then...

Stay posted!

Where hindsight leads to insight

Yesterday we said a teary goodbye to my family that had been visiting for the past month. We'd been on many adventures together and had a warm, full house over the holidays. It was so nice to have them around! I even managed to step away from my computer to actively engage in that special time we had together.

Though we were sad to split ways, there was a small part of me that looked forward to a mellow evening and finally some time to sit down and consider my plans for the year (something I greatly enjoy each January.) But as life has a way of dishing irony at the least welcome time, I was in a car crash that jolted me to the core and sent a sweet, elderly woman to the hospital. (I have never been in anything greater than a fender bender, so I find myself plagued with guilt and remorse that I'm responsible for injuring another human being.)

I stood in the street sobbing for over an hour with onlookers ogling the scene, thoughtful police and paramedics trying to cheer me up, including my victim who probably became more worried about me than his poor wife who'd been carted off in an ambulance. It was humbling to say the least.

The minor pain I've felt since the shock wore off is nothing compared to the sick lump in my heart as I replay the accident over and over in my head. I know it could've been worse, especially if I'd hurt my children or had there been a fatality. (Oh how I feel for those people this has happened to!) If only I could go back to that moment and do something different. Or more importantly, if only I'd followed my intuition and stopped using that dodgy intersection.

When I look back on the past 5 years, they've all strangely started with a disappointing beginning. I know that in itself can create a springboard for better things to come. But, each year has been an important reminder for something greater.... something borderline cliché, but also affective:

We are not immune to any of life's grievances or failures.

I reacted with genuine sorrow for my mistake. I cannot change what is already done. I will somehow live with it, but not allow fear to overcome. And I will start 2012 with yet another experience and a new understanding in my pocket.

Portrait of a Mother {part one}

Ho, Ho, Ahem!

I woke up this morning with what I imagine were borderline panic attack symptoms. Oh La Befana, I have so much to do! I felt like my heart was going to beat right out of my chest. As I grabbed my morning java (ie. the equivalent of 5 espressos, you know, to help calm the Arrhythmia), I sat down to check out Blogworld where I read no less than 26 "Gift Guide" and/or "Remember the reason for the season" posts. (Unlike what my mother told me, Jesus wasn't mentioned once. Hmph.)

Frustrated and annoyed, I did what any sensible, homeschooling mother w(c)ould do in this predicament... I took the day off. I guess you could call it a "mental health day" which is totally apropo or as my English husband said, I skived off.

Speaking of him, he's been busy working out of town most of the week (err.. year) and off to LA tomorrow, so I needed one day where I could get some things accomplished sans children. I haven't done my Christmas cards yet, I've only bought a few gifts, and basically I have two days to get my act together before my family descends upon my world. EEK!

So, in my 3 hours of freedom, I worked out a plan for my Christmas cards. (Now if only Santa would bring me an early gift in the form of time, that would be great.) But the shopping. I don't mind it when I know what I'm looking for, but for the love of Good King Wenceslas, I have no fracking clue what to get my own family. Ironically, my sister and brother and I worked out a no-gift rule among siblings. Unfortunately, they are the only ones I could easily shop for! And as much as the parentals claim they don't want gifts, you know they do. It sucks to have nothing to open!

I beg of you blogging goddesses... when is someone going to make a gift guide that actually pertains to my life? Don't get me wrong! I would personally love any one of the things I've seen on just about every gift guide out there. But since Christmas isn't all about me or by blogging standards, baby Jesus (thank you again, Mother) I need to know what to get these people:

Left to right/Top to bottom: (We're talking about a man that buys Forklifts for fun and collects hunting cabins in obscure places) Ammo baby, "Stuffed Animals" (hehe), Misc. Aircraft parts, A Flock of Seagulls Hope *I will buy the first person to give me some good gift ideas their own Flock of Hope - HOLLA!, A Camel, Mom Bucks (can you still give Mom Bucks when you are 37 and live in a different city?), If you were a 76/79 yr. old English person what would you like? Yeah, I don't know either. (For the record,  we really like Heifer International. I've already bought my mom an African child that she still takes care of and we bought the in-laws a goat a few years back. Sadly, they didn't find it as humorous as we did.)

I am in so much trouble! Now who wants to remind me what the season is all about? ;^)

On love + eating words

A few years ago, I remember commenting on a blog about my marriage. "We never fight," I said. "Things are great. You shouldn't be going through this much drama so early on in your relationship. You're in marriage counseling before you're even married!"

All facts pointed towards impending doom, but they married anyway. Some people chided back to me, "That's impossible! No marriage is perfect. I don't believe you never fight. There must be something wrong with YOU!"

While I wasn't lying, they weren't either; because what I later learned is,  no long term relationship runs a perfectly smooth course. If it hasn't happened yet, it will eventually. Sometimes it's early on. Sometimes it's later. Sometimes only one side sees it at a time. Sometimes we pretend we are blind and that everything is a-ok. People are very good at putting up façades. Sometimes we build them without even knowing it.

I was talking to a friend last month about the difficulties in marriage and we both agreed that it seems like life would be easier if other people just thought and behaved the same way we do. Of course that wouldn't work or be an interesting way to live, but when we consider that most arguments stem from differing opinions, responses or actions -- it does kind of make sense.

As irony always wins, my husband and I were not exempt from trouble. After spending 13 years together, we seem to have run the gamut of standard relationship issues these past 5 years; financial woes, difficulties in the workplace, the enormous changes that children bring, (god forbid!) counseling, plus the basic evolution of ourselves. Today everything is fine, but who knows what tomorrow will bring.

It's funny how things change with time -- friends and lovers, understanding and confusion, smooth sailing and rough weather. Everything changes and yet everything stays the same. I think back on those comments a lot... more than I care to admit. I quit reading her blog, but sometimes I see her name pop up and wonder how things are going. I could go and look, but I already have a fair idea.

So here we are, all in this life together and yet our moments do not always coincide with each others. One day we will swap shoes and hopefully we will hand each other the key to understanding. Understanding that we are never alone and that everyone will be in similar boats eventually.

Right?

They must, for cliches don't happen without reason.

Four feet from falling

Bah Humbug! It's Thanksgiving and I couldn't be any less excited. Frankly, I'm feeling pretty down about the whole thing. I've been too busy with work to even think about it, as evidenced by my eleventh hour planning last night. This has somehow turned into my least favorite holiday...

It's not that I'm not grateful. I am truly thankful for all of my blessings and I promise that once I stop brooding, I will focus on all the wonderful things I do have instead of what I'm missing. But it is hard. This time of year is always very stressful for me. I've been working around the clock, as has my husband. (He's even working today and all weekend long!) We're both under a lot of pressure and instead of feeling like were part of a collective production, we're both just sort of focusing on our own tasks. That doesn't really lend itself to the spirit of Thanksgiving at all. Instead, it just makes me miss my family immensely.

Thanksgiving was always such a bustling holiday in our home; with aunts and uncles galore, children running amok, and a warm, full house. On the other hand, my house is feeling chaotic in a different way. We've been on a building/painting/fix-up rampage this past month, so much of our furniture is pushed into the center of rooms, the tv is off the wall, the art is laying in stacks, tape and visqueen hang from the ceiling. And although my children are running amok because my husband is working all day, I have the honor of getting everything ready on my own. Good thing I like to cook! To top it off, there's the likelihood that my children will not eat anything I've made. So you see, it's the not the cheeriest of days.

At any rate, we've got to eat, so for my menu I decided to go the non-traditional route since nothing about this Thanksgiving feels like something I want to repeat. There will be no turkey, stuffing, pie or cranberry sauce. Instead, I'm making a handful of recipes that I've been wanting to try:

Zuni Roasted Chicken with Bread Salad
Domino Potatoes
Brussel Sprouts with Bacon + Shallot
Persimmon and Pomegranate Salad with Cumin-Lime Vinaigrette
Creamed, Fresh Corn
Pumpkin Chiffon Cake with Espresso Whipped Cream

One day, I hope we'll be able to start a proper Thanksgiving tradition, but until then, I'm going to crank up some tunes, put on my apron and remind myself that I am lucky. I have a family, jobs that I love, great children, awesome friends, food to cook, a house to live in, passion in life, my yoga practice, a beautiful garden, music, and my health.

(And on a brighter note, my family will be here for most of December, so I promise not to be a scrooge for much longer!)

Image credits: Smitten Kitchen, White on Rice, Ezra Pound Cake, Bon Appetit, LA Times.

François in San Francisco with a parrot.

Last week, I spoke of my morning ritual. Tonight, I'd like to chat about our "good nights." But unlike mornings, this isn't in terms of Ayurveda or products... because frankly, our nightly routine consists of wine, bath time and ultimately, happily sleeping babes.

From the time I weaned my children (17 and 26 mos. respectively), we swapped out breastfeeding with books and song. I have a feeling we might have done things differently (ie. wrong) because I've watched friends and family alike have the simplest bedtime routine; bath, kiss and lights out. But for years, both my husband and I have read a few books (or one long chapter now) and then sung a handful of songs before our children have fallen into slumber.

As time went by, the kids started requesting made up stories. Now, my husband is a genius storyteller. I mean, he's really goooood! (I've heard a few while we've all been stuck in a hotel room and I'm like "Damn, that is impressive. Where's he pulling that out of?") He's just got a gift that I do not have at the end of the day. Because as creative as I think I am, by nighttime, the last thing I feel like doing is making up a story. I just want them to go to bed already! (Don't judge. I'm with them all day, everyday. I need a break, sometime. Right?)

Anyway, my husband was coming up with these terrific stories. So good in fact that my children would say, "Mom... you're better at singing but Dad, DAD is best at telling stories. Can you just sing and let him tell us the stories?" Well, that would be fine and dandy, but my husband's work schedule is all over the place and naturally, that meant I'd be stuck with children wanting Dad's great storytelling and Dad's "this and that" because they've been with me all day and we're all mutually sick of each other.

So, I came up with a plan.

First, it started out with me in a moment of despair, not knowing what to make up: "Give me a person, a place and a thing." And then I'd come up with a story with whatever they threw at me. But as time passed, it's now called, "You tell me a story." I'm going to give YOU a person, a place and a thing. And boy was it even more genius than what Daddy thought of. :) Racking a 5 and 7 year old brain at 7pm is nothing compared to a 37 year old brain!

Tonight was: Randy, Saskatchewan and a box. And you know what? They always come up with the best stories ever even if they have no idea what the fuck Saskatchewan is!

I might not be the storyteller of the family, but boy do I know how to think out of the box.

The Morning Ritual

I may be notorious for constantly switching things up, but I'm a creature of habit when it comes to my morning routine. Since I'm admittedly a night person, several years ago I started following a series of Ayurvedic-inspired "habits" to ease me into each day. This ritual is nurturing, predictable and self-loving. I can't always control how my day will turn out, but I can start it off on the right foot. Here's what I do:

Facial Moisturizing: As soon as I wake, I slather rich cream or oil on my face. My number one grievance with aging is dry skin. Now that the temperatures have dropped, my face and hands have become as dry as the desert. EEK! Thank goodness for moisturizers. My favorites are: Jurlique Moisture Replenishing Day Cream, Dr. Hauschka Rose Day Cream, or a custom blend of oils like chamomile, lavender, coconut or rose.

Tongue Scraping: As we sleep, our body attempts to get rid of toxins and our tongue, which is much like a sponge, is the perfect place to harbor many of them overnight. Cleaning it first thing not only removes the nasty bacteria that have accumulated, it also activates and enhances digestion and taste. Goodbye, Morning Breath!  It might seem strange at first, but the scraper is highly effective. If you don't want to shell out the $5 to buy one, the edge of a spoon works pretty well, too!

Warm Water and Lemon: Speaking of digestion, the first thing that enters my body is a cup of warm water and half a lemon. It's antibacterial, toxin flushing, discourages yeast growth, it's alkalizing, it tones and purifies the liver, and last but not least, it's good for the skin. (Unfortunately, I follow it with the strongest cup of coffee known to man. I'm not willing to give up my one cup yet, but I do drink herbal/spice tea and tons of water the rest of the day.)

Neti Pot with Nose Oil: I wrote about my my neti pot eons ago and my love still remains strong! When I was in Tucson last year, I found a great herb shop that carried Ayurvedic Nasal Oil which I rub into each nostril after the neti. It lubricates the membranes which allows for better intake of prana, which in turn energizes and sharpens the senses. Plus, it just feels good in this dry climate I live in.

Breakfast + Cocktail: I almost always eat either a bowl of  homemade granola (yes, I'm still eating it!) or a bowl of steel cut oats. And without fail, I follow that up with my Elixir. Did you ever try it? I swear by it!

Vitamins + Supplements: After brekkie, I take a multi-vitamin, plus a mixture of Ayurvedic/Chinese/Adaptogenic Herbs like Ashwagandha, Rhodiola, Astragulus and Purim/Hemocare.

Fresh Air: I try to spend the first hour of my day outside. I know this isn't an option for everyone, but since we are homeschooling, we've managed to factor it into our day. YAY! I can water, dead-head, plant seeds, weed, contemplate life, or make plans. Fresh air first thing in the morning is so incredibly revitalizing and refreshing. I absolutely love it!

So... that's how I begin each day. (Erin, are you sure you want a play by play of every hour?) :) I am positive that all of this helps keep me healthy and sane! And in a perfect world, it would be coupled with breathing exercises, yoga and meditation. Maybe a good side effect to aging will be that I start getting up earlier!

PS. I've been shopping at iHerb.com since Averie recommended it a few months ago. It is substantially cheaper than Whole Foods for many different healthcare items like supplements, toothpaste, body care, etc. And the shipping is fast. My first order arrived the next day! Plus they gave me a coupon for you to use! $5.00 off your first order with the following code: HUD322